The Hitwoman's Juggling Act Read online

  “Zeke says you needed to speak to me.” Miss Whitehat’s cool, clipped tone shot through the phone.

  “I kind of need a favor.” I held my breath waiting for her response.

  “You don’t strike me as the kind to ask for favors lightly,” Whitehat said after a beat. “Therefore, if I’m impressed with your request, I’ll be inclined to grant it.”

  “There’s a boy. His mother is in prison, and his stepfather has um… recently… disappeared?”

  “I understand.”

  I knew she would. Her shadowy group disappeared people regularly.

  “I thought maybe you had the resources to help the child,” I said slowly.

  For once, Miss Whitehat hesitated.

  I wondered if I’d made a mistake.

  “I assume you have an address?” she asked finally.

  I rattled it off to her.

  “I’ll take care of it,” she pledged.

  “I guess I owe you,” I replied.

  “Oh, you definitely owe me,” Whitehat said with some satisfaction. Then she hung up.

  I wondered what fresh hell I’d just opened for myself.

  38

  As soon as Whitehat hung up on me, I turned and tossed the phone in the nearest trash can. With DeeDee by my side, I began walking back to Darlene’s house.

  A dark sedan approached.

  “This is getting so old,” I muttered beneath my breath. DeeDee and I stopped and waited. I didn’t even bother to try and arm myself.

  The window rolled down, and Gino grinned at me. “Did you think I was going to do a drive-by and shoot you?”

  “I said I was sorry for being paranoid before.”

  “Oh, you’re not going to live that down that easily,” he murmured. “I heard what went down. Boss is going to want to know if Katie’s okay.”

  I nodded. “She’s just fine.”

  “Good. That’s good news. I just wanted to let you know that I solved that one problem I had, and that Mulligan’s been taken care of.”

  I winced.

  “I don’t mean ‘taken care of’,” Gino said with exasperation. “I just meant that the bosses had their personal doc look after him. He got a shot of something and seems to be doing really well.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “Next time, just call me,” Gino said. “Things won’t get as messy.”

  He drove away. I’d wanted to tell him there would be no next time, but I knew better.

  Returning to Darlene’s house, I retrieved my car, Piss, and God. I had one stop to make before I rendezvoused with the family at Griswald’s place. For once, my timing was perfect.

  Herschel was leaving the ER as I arrived to check on him. He sported a big bandage on his arm, looked incredibly pale, and was limping. But he was alive, and he was upright. I counted that as a win.

  I was surprised at how much relief I felt at seeing him standing there.

  Our eyes locked and the thank you for saving Katie speech that I’d mentally rehearsed on the way over was obliterated. Instead of expressing gratitude, I began to cry. The stress of the last week or so caught up to me and was released in a torrent of tears.

  Herschel limped over and wrapped me in a hug. “What’s wrong?”

  It made me cry harder when I realized this was my first hug I’d ever gotten from my grandfather.

  Embarrassed, I was making a scene with my histrionics; I shuffled toward the exit, Herschel leaning heavily on me. I led him to my car. Reaching it, I collapsed on the front seat.

  “Tell me what’s wrong, Maggie,” Herschel begged.

  I began to sob.

  Herschel looked at DeeDee and Piss, who were sitting in the back seat. “Does she do this a lot?”

  “No,” Piss replied. “It’s just been too much for her.”

  “What’s too much?” Herschel asked.

  Through shuddering sobs, I told him, “I…didn’t…find…a…house.”

  “You didn’t find a house?” Herschel asked, clearly confused why this was the thing that pushed me over the edge of hysteria.

  “I’m supposed to find one where Darlene has space, and Templeton has privacy, and Piss has field mice, and Loretta has a stripper’s pole, and Leslie has a grow room, and God has crickets, and Susan has a studio, and Katie has a swing.”

  I was out of breath after listing the litany of requests my family had made for my home search.

  Herschel blinked. Clearly, he didn’t remember what it was like to deal with the family.

  “How am I supposed to find something like that?” I demanded of him. “It’s impossible.”

  “Actually,” Herschel said slowly, “I’ve been thinking about that.”

  “Thinking about what?”

  “I think that they should move into my place.”

  “Brilliant!” God declared. “There is a plethora of crickets.”

  “And field mice,” Piss purred happily at the memory of her feast.

  While the animals were for the idea, I wasn’t so sure. “They don’t know about me,” I said slowly.

  “Because you’re the only one who can talk to the animals?”

  I nodded. “They’d get a family group rate and lock me up with Mom in the nuthouse if they found out.”

  “Mental health facility,” God chided.

  My grandfather nodded. “I understand. It’s what your grandmother did to me a long, long time ago.”

  My heart ached for him and my tears flowed freely. He hadn’t deserted his daughters like they’d been told. He’d been committed.

  “I won’t tell your secret,” he pledged.

  I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

  “I can ask them?” His voice quavered as he made the request.

  “Yes,” I choked out.

  Herschel leaned toward me, and wiped my tears away. “Do you think they’ll go for it?”

  I sniffled. “Let’s find out.”

  39

  I’m not going to lie, I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke as I pulled onto Griswald’s street. Sitting beside me, Herschel didn’t look any better than I felt.

  I wasn’t sure how this reunion was going to go. I just knew it wouldn’t be smooth.

  I helped support Herschel as he limped up to Griswald’s front door. I rang the bell and braced myself for whoever would answer. From the amount of noise rumbling from inside, it sounded like the whole family was there.

  I had to chuckle when it was Doc, Marlene’s boyfriend, who opened the door. The EMT, who moonlighted as an exotic dancer, was the person least likely to freak out at the news. “Maggie,” he said with a wide smile.

  “Hey, Doc.”

  He looked past me to the old man standing to my side. To his credit, he didn’t ask any questions, he just ushered us inside.

  I offered Herschel a reassuring smile. “Wait here.”

  I left him on the porch, Doc standing in the doorway, and marched into bedlam. Okay, it wasn’t technically bedlam, but Griswald’s house was not designed to house my extended family, and the noise level was a bit intense.

  “Is that you Maggie?” Aunt Leslie asked.

  For once, I didn’t answer the inane question. “Can I have everyone’s attention?” When I didn’t get a response from most of the room, I raised my voice. “Hey,” I yelled, “everyone, shut up and listen.”

  “Manners, Margaret,” Aunt Susan chided.

  “Manners, Aunt Maggie,” Katie teased.

  Susan gave her the kind of look that would have had me running to my room when I was Katie’s age, but my niece just chuckled.

  To my surprise, Susan grinned back.

  “The man who saved Katie is here,” I told them.

  There was a smattering of “yays” and applause.

  “I just need everyone to prepare themselves,” I warned the room. “He’s more than just her savior.”

  My family looked around at each other in confusion. No one had any idea what I was talking about.

>   “This is good news,” I stressed.

  “Oh God,” Templeton groaned, sinking into the nearest chair. “This must mean there’s another complication.”

  I glanced back at Doc. “Send him in.”

  Slowly, head down, Herschel limped into the room. He looked up, absolute fear etched on his face as he slowly took in the expressions of the three daughters who’d thought him dead for decades.

  Loretta covered her heart.

  Leslie let out a shocked gasp.

  Susan stared stonily.

  I held my breath.

  An uncomfortable silence settled over the room. Everyone was watching the reactions of the three sisters, taking their cue from them.

  “Who are you?” Katie asked in the quiet.

  “Daddy!” Leslie and Loretta squealed in unison. They practically knocked each other over to get to him.

  Thankfully, Doc, who is a medical professional and could tell Herschel wasn’t feeling his best, stood behind him. He physically kept Herschel upright when two grown women threw themselves at him. I guess that’s a skill acquired by male dancers.

  The room had erupted in chaos, people asking questions of each other, of Herschel, and of me.

  I caught Griswald’s eye and he raised his eyebrows, wordlessly reminding me that I’d lied to him about knowing Herschel at Darlene’s place.

  When things had quieted down a little, Aunt Susan asked me, “First Darlene, then Ian, now this.” She nodded her head in Herschel’s direction. She was the only one who’d not gotten out of her seat to greet him. “What other kind of secrets are you keeping from us, Margaret?”

  I shook my head. If she only knew.

  40

  While everyone was celebrating the “miraculous timing” of Herschel’s arrival to save Katie, Griswald pulled me aside. He explained that Doctor Oliver had revealed that the plan of the Sincero sisters was to use Katie as leverage to prevent anyone from testifying against their brother about the events that had led to the destruction of the B&B.

  “Good thing your grandfather showed up when he did,” Griswald remarked drily, watching as Leslie and Loretta held their father’s hands.

  I nodded, but was careful not to speak, not wanting to incriminate myself.

  The marshal glanced over at his wife, who was sitting in the corner of the room, watching the reunion through an invisible wall she’d created to separate herself. Her posture was prim and proper, her expression neutral, her eyes hard.

  “The panic attack and now this,” Griswald said. “I’m worried about her.”

  “She’s got you,” I told him, awkwardly clapping him on the shoulder.

  He nodded and moved away to stand by her side.

  Needing a break, I snapped DeeDee’s leash on her and practically dragged her outside. “I know you have to go for a walk,” I told her pointedly.

  For a split second, I thought she was actually going to be stubborn and refuse to go out, but God said from my bra, “Go, you furry imbecile.”

  We escaped the barely controlled chaos of Griswald’s home and went down the block. I felt like it was the first time I’d been able to breathe for days.

  We’d just turned the corner when a car pulled up to a stop beside us, window already lowering.

  I expected to see Gino.

  “Everything okay, Mags?”

  Realizing it was Patrick, I bent down and smiled. He appeared weak and wan but was still worried about my well-being.

  “I’m glad you’re okay,” I said. I didn’t know what anybody was meant to say in this kind of situation. Should I send him a condolence card saying, Hey, I’m sorry I offed your girlfriend, even though I did it semi-accidentally?

  He grinned back. “It’s funny how life goes,” he said. “The woman I trained to be a killer turned out to be the person who keeps saving my life.”

  “I had a good teacher,” I told him.

  “Makes you wonder what crazy thing will happen next,” Patrick said.

  I really didn’t want to know.

  THE END

  Author’s Note

  Please, please, please consider leaving a short review if you enjoyed THE HITWOMAN’S JUGGLING ACT. It will only take a minute, and I’d so appreciate your support.

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  Hugs and murder,

  JB

  Also by JB Lynn

  HITWOMAN BOOKS IN ORDER

  Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman

  Further Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman

  The Hitwoman Gets Lucky

  The Hitwoman and the Family Jewels

  The Hitwoman and the Neurotic Witness

  The Hitwoman Hunts a Ghost

  The Hitwoman and the 7 Cops

  The Hitwoman and the Poisoned Apple

  The Hitwoman’s Downward Dog

  The Hitwoman’s Act of Contrition

  The Hitwoman Hires a Manny

  The Hitwoman and the Sacrificial Lamb

  The Hitwoman and the Chubby Cherub

  The Hitwoman and the Mother Load

  The Hitwoman Under Pressure

  The Hitwoman Plays Chaperone

  The Hitwoman Takes a Road Trip

  The Hitwoman in a Pickle

  The Hitwoman and the Gold Digger

  The Hitwoman's Juggling Act

  THE MATCHMAKER MYSTERY SERIES

  The Mutt and the Matchmaker

  A Match Made in Mystery

  Catnapped!

  A Woof in Sheep’s Clothing

  About JB Lynn

  A Jersey Girl transplanted to the Sunshine State, JB (you can call her Jen) writes laugh-out-loud suspense and mysteries with a dash of romance, but she’s been known to dabble in the occasional goosebump-raising thriller.

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